Jobs.

Over this past weekend,  I was given the opportunity to write as a contributor for this awesome website.  So I thought to myself "well I guess now I am somewhat of a professional writer.  I mean, I am getting paid to write, right?  That is professional  Hooray for me!"  And then of course I realized that I still have my day job. I am not a professional writer- I don't do it for a living!  Boo!  And then I figured I could certainly still call myself a writer.  In fact, there are a whole host of "careers" that people claim without any kind of verification at all!  I thought I would share some of them here.


Writer: Obviously I fall tidily into this category.  I mean, I "write for" this BS blog- I generously probably have 5 "readers" of my "work" (excuse the heavy-handedness with the quotes) but...well I write things.  I am a writer.  Well, a blogger, but that's just semantics. Technically, anyone who can use a keyboard, and some who can't (I am looking in your direction, Steven Hawking) can call themselves a writer.  Hell, it's not like Blogspot gave me an entrance exam before granting me this little corner of the internet.  Even you could become a writer!  Or...well "writer".

Actor: Anyone who ever waited tables works with an actor.  They could have never attended an audition let alone been cast in anything, but they consider themselves an "actor".  Waiting tables, making coffee, washing dishes--that's just their day job.  When the sun goes down and the apron comes off, then, and only then, do they become their true self.  Like a vampire.  Or a werewolf.

Singer/Musician: I am totally guilty of this one, too.  I had a brief stint singing at a bar in Montana, and was pretty sure I was a rock star after that.  Literally tens of people would turn out to hear me sing.  In my defense, though, it was a town of 550 people. If 15 people showed up, it was the statistical equivalent of a 60,000 person concert in Chicago.  That's just math.  Anyway, anyone who can carry a tune at drunken Tuesday night karaoke fancies themselves a singer, and the popularity of American Idol, The Voice, America's Got Talent, and Who Wants To Triple-Barrel Curl Their Hair And Wear Sparkly Jeans have not helped the situation.  The "musician" title I am willing to give a little leeway to.  If you can legitimately play guitar or piano or drums (unless it is only bongos.  In which case, get back to the drum circle, hippie) I will give you the musician title.  Why do I allow this title and not the others?  Well one reason is you need to have actually studied something to be able to play the piano, and the other is that this is my damn blog and I make the rules.

Artist: I am going to be honest here.  I am not a huge art fan.  I mean I am in as much as anyone appreciates art.  Just as often as not I have a hard time getting on board with Modern Art.  I have seen people draw/paint/sculpt things that I genuinely enjoy and appreciate, and things that I don't enjoy because I know they are making a point about the frivolity of man or something- that I get.  But when I was in New York I went to the MoMA and saw a giant 8' by 8' canvas and the top half was black and the bottom half was white and I thought "....no I do not get this at all".  So my point is, anyone can spill some paint on a canvas and throw a frame on it and say "this represents how I feel about my mother.  That will be $50,000."


So there it is.  4 jobs that anyone can claim to have.  Now go to the bar and try to impress some chicks!